I am autistic. This means that my neurotype is different than most people. One of the ways this shows is that I don't like to make eye contact. A lot of people don't get this. They think that maybe I am a little uncomfortable with eye contact, but that after I become close to someone, it will be something I enjoy, a sign of intimacy and connection. The truth is that even after being in a super close, intimate relationship with my partner for 19 years, I still don't want eye contact with her. It is not enjoyable. It doesn't feel like a connection at all, it sort of feels like an attack.
Do I do eye contact? Yes, sometimes awkwardly. I use to do it more often. But when an autist makes eye contact, it is pretty much guaranteed to come off as shifty not serving to form a connection at all. So, now I try to just be myself and avoid eye contact which is what feels natural to me, although I do sometimes find myself trying it out when it comes up in conversation. Yep, still yucky, every single time.
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