Who doesn't love pie?

Time for another serious blogger post. I'm feeling a wee bit unhappy with teuxdeux today for the first time. I know it is because I have too much stuff written there. It is also because I don't quite want to spend money. I'm feeling the same way about my exercise group.

I think I need to ask myself, why am I writing this down? What is the purpose? Is it because I am likely to forget. Will the writing down keep me from forgetting? Maybe I just need to stop spending the money and go to habitica and ONLY write down the things I absolutely need to remember.

But then what if I never do things like vacuum behind the sofa? Well if I am capable of NEVER doing it, is it all that important?

In a similar vein, the scheduling when I eat has literally completely ended my stomach aches. BUT, I hate it. My brain screams at me that it is wrong. It is very, very confusing.

I think I know one thing for sure though. I don't need the teuxdeux subscription, and even if it is only $4 a month, I need to quit it. I would rather have the unleashed anxiety than the compulsed anxiety. I just went and did it. I'm out. And free!!!

I want to stop doing things because of productivity culture, and start doing things because they are joyful or meaningful to me! But I struggle hard. Unlearning hurtful patterns can take decades.

Good stuff I can remember. I have pretty much completely deconstructed mononormativity and heteronormativity. I've done it with sizism too. All will be well.